In a recent article, a child psychologist confirmed the No. 1 skill that “sets mentally strong kids apart from ‘those who give up” - the most important element for success in a child’s life is HOPE.
I have said for several years that the two most critical elements in a teenager’s life traits are resilience and resourcefulness. Evidently, perhaps obviously, resilience – getting back up after a defeat - demonstrates hope - the expectation that “I can do better or more.”
How does one develop resilience and hope?
By trying, failing and trying again – and perhaps again and again and again!!
Note that in the mindset of the helicoptering parent – who protects the child from ANY failure, the child will never learn how to get back up. And that’s a life lesson critical, crucial, important and foundational for any adult success.
Every single successful person has experienced multiple failures, sometimes the bigger the better. Michael Jordan comes to mind with many, many FAILED last-minute shots on the basketball court and yet he remains one of the premier players of all time. We can also consider Thomas Edison whose thousands of failed attempts eventually led to a successful lightbulb!
It's that resilience - that belief, that hope, that enables success in anyone and especially a teenager in the midst of much psychological and cognitive churning.
So – how should you best deal with your child’s defeat?
ASK A QUESTION –
· “how do you feel about what happened?”
· “how do you think you did?”
· “How could you do that differently or better?”
· “who can we ask for guidance or coaching?”
AVOID saying things like “Oh, that’s OK…” or “don’t worry about it”
Allow them to feel the impact – and recover and rebuild – THAT’S resilience and HOPE!
As you know, parenting is not an exact science – so what you just read may need adjustment – but learn, adapt, adjust – and especially – ASK, DON’T TELL.
Every time you TELL, you’ve prevented them from the most powerful learning: Discovery learning. ASKing questions, as above, is the magic!
And if you have questions or comments, please message me at CoachSteve@Launch-Your-Life.com