“There are two kinds of people” – how many times have we heard or said that? Here’s one that can be most effective with your teenager – and normal people, too!
In conversation and discussion, people very often reply to a comment with either “Yeah, but…” OR “yes – I see your point - and can I add…?”
If you’ll notice, you’ll see that strong and frequent trend in communicating, from many people.
Apply that Yes concept to your teen and you can bet your communications will improve! And conversely, if your usual and common mode is to say “Yeah, but…” – the argument and disconnect starts right there. If you immediately reply to correct and negate, you are SETTING THE TONE for a disagreement.
The true success of any communication is consensus – which BTW is NOT acquiescence – not giving in, just to get along. It’s two or more people coming to an agreement that all can live with. Is that always possible? No, but it’s certainly worth pursuing. And even if you DO have to pull rank and force a decision they don’t like, they will see that you tried for consensus and agreement.
And if your first reaction to what you just read is “Yeah, but…” – that’s the point!
Regardless of the issue - if your reply is “yes, I understand - please tell me a little bit more.”
“yes, I think I see your point – please help me to see it more clearly.”
“Yes, you have a valid point. Let's discuss it further so I better understand what you're saying.”
“Yes, I understand why you want that. Let's talk about what the other elements or considerations or reactions might be.”
And So It Goes.
Another BTW: you will notice that the silent thread that runs through this entire line of reasoning is respect. Even if they don’t respect you, respect them – take the moral high ground. They WILL remember – maybe not now – but some day …
If we start by acknowledging their thinking with ‘Yes…” and then build from there, you will go dramatically further, faster and agreeably rather than instantly rejecting their no!
YES, you do see the point of all this, don’t you? 😁