Monday, February 24, 2020


What if your teen is only average?  Shocking?  Depressing?   Fact is, most of them are! [by definition, 84% of all of us are ‘average’]

But who BECOME the real stars?? - the real champions in almost any field? Research data collected in a wide array of fields - from sports to academics to professions, business achievements, etc. - ALL point to the fact that it's NOT innate talent but instead targeted, directed effort toward a goal – AND the ability to focus, change, improve, grow and become better – making small micro-changes over time – that’s what makes top performers!!!

There's been much research in recent years by Angela Duckworth at Penn in the field of GRIT – and that’s exactly what she’s found!! Her research, including a fair amount with cadets at West Point (US Military Academy] shows that those top, TOP performers in virtually every field did so through a long-term commitment - usually over a period of years, toward their goal.

So how can you help your teen to accomplish ‘great things’ – maybe not world-changing – but still pretty darned good?  

Start from a basic premise: we're all driven by habit.  So our habits are going to define, even decide what we do on a daily basis.  Second, any new habits will only occur over a period of time in small micro- bites.

Please erase the idea that it takes 21 days to change a habit! It is simply not true.  The most current research indicates that it takes about 66 consistent days to change - or instill a new habit [even that varies based on a number of other elements and factors.]

So as you guide or coach your teenager toward new success habits, here’s a 3-step process:
1.      Develop or identify a specific idea of the new, desired goal – [NOT the goal you’re trying to shed]
2.      The next time you see your teen come close to or APPROXIMATE that action or behavior you'd like to see, compliment him/her – specifically – “that was really good – the way you ___________! J] *
3.   [next time] Catch him or her “being good” or executing that behavior – and compliment again

* Remember – 66 days, approx. to instill a new habit.  You probably won’t or can’t maintain that – but keep at it
* This reinforcing process requires varying and different compliments or wording over time – the same words over and over become lost or invisible.

If I can be of assistance in any teen development area, just PM me or email at

No comments:

Post a Comment