Raise them to be resilient: Wisdom from parents of superstars
Read an article recently by a parent regarding the college admissions scandal – she talked about how hard her mother had worked to afford her college – and how hard this mom is working to get her teen into “a good school.” SHE COMPLETELY MISSED THE POINT!!
If you read and listen to the FACTS about today’s teen challenges, THE SINGLE most important trait is RESILIENCE and RESOURCEFULNESS.
Helicopter parenting, laissez-faire society, eroding standards in most facets of life, lack of self-discipline, the retired Stanford University dean who said “today’s incoming students are THE WORST ever at self-management.” THEN, on the news - huge economic downturns, loss of jobs and the now-unemployed “don’t know what to do.”
If you raise your teen to be resilient and resourceful, they will NEVER be at a loss.
HOW TO? [I’ve said it all before - - ]
· DO NOT prevent failure.
· Encourage and support it – praise it – BUT GROW FROM IT. Sort of like the movie A League of Their Own, “there’s no crying in baseball.” Well, you can cry briefly over failure – but, as I learned playing high school football, when you get knocked down, YOU GET BACK UP!
From coaching teens, I see two great sources of these learnings:
· sports and
Both teach that everyone can’t be a star, life is a team sport, sometimes you’re “only” in the chorus or sitting on the bench.
I have a Mom friend who required her twin sons to be involved in high school sports or they didn’t have their car. Makes sense!
But let’s go back:
· when they fail, guide them to their own revelations.
· Mine was lack of discipline and total unawareness of goal-setting and self-discipline.
· As always, ASK, DON’T TELL. The more you tell, the less they think.
· The more you ASK, the MORE they think!!!
[quote from a sports coaching blog post] -
Win or lose, don't rehash your child's performance right after a match or meet, says DA Franklin.
"After Missy swam as a kid, the only things I would ask were:
'Did you do your best?' and
'Did you have fun?' she says.
"When Missy would say, 'Yep, I had a blast,' that was the end of the discussion.
Her father and I would respond, 'Fantastic! Now let's go get some dinner.'
"I still tell her, 'Have fun!' before every competition."
When your kid is ready to talk about the game -- or anything else -- don't lecture, just listen, says Wanda Durant.
"Kevin [famous NBA basketball player] knew he could talk to me about anything," says Durant, who counseled her son as he agonized over where to sign this summer. "There are still times when he will call and we'll just kind of talk things through."
Raising them to be resilient: Wisdom from parents of superstars